


Why?

by Sleepyfangirlx



Category: A Court of Thorns and Roses Series - Sarah J. Maas
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Don't copy to another site, F/M, Fluff, Headcanon, Mating Bond, What if Elain and Mor were mates?, canonverse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-29
Updated: 2020-06-30
Packaged: 2021-03-03 22:00:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,427
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24982729
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sleepyfangirlx/pseuds/Sleepyfangirlx
Summary: Imagine Az seeing the two females he loves, have a mating bond snap into place.What if Mor was Elain's second mate?Part 1 written in headcanon form.
Relationships: Elain Archeron/Azriel, Elain Archeron/Morrigan
Kudos: 13





	1. Part I

**Author's Note:**

> So we were talking about Elain having two mates on the wonderful Elriel group chat on tumblr when I had an angsty thought: what if Mor is Elain’s second mate? This is my take on what would happen. I would just like to say that this is me rambling and it is not edited, so I’m sorry for any mistakes. I hope you enjoy!
> 
> Warning: Potentially triggering ending.

  * Imagine Az seeing the two females he loves, have a mating bond snap into place
  * They had been waiting for 30 minutes for the rest of their family to arrive. Mor had been recounting the time she and Viviane had used glamours in an attempt to convince Kallias that Mor was in fact Viviane. Azriel watched as Elain choked on her wine at a particularly funny moment in the story. Her eyes were sparkling, and her mouth was spread into a radiant smile. Azriel felt his heart skip a beat at the sight. Mor reached over to pat Elain on the back when they both stopped.
  * Within her, Elain felt something stir. Something familiar. Something she loathed. She looked up at Mor, and the bond snapped into place.
  * There’s just silence.
  * Azriel leans forward, about to question the sudden silence when he scents it. A mating bond between Mor and Elain. He stands, placing his wine down and leaves.
  * Mor and Elain are both desperate to go after him but they are stuck in place staring at each other
  * Elain can feel herself breaking inside, once again shackled to someone, even after she went through so much to reject the mating bond with Lucien
  * And Mor’s brain goes blank. A mating bond, with a female. Which both outs her and breaks her best friends heart at the same time
  * They all run in opposite directions
  * The rest of the IC arrives to find an empty house.


  * None of them appear at the house the next morning. Cassian finds Az drunk out of his mind alone on a mountain. Feyre finds Mor passed out in Rita’s after trying to dance her pain away. And Nesta finds Elain sitting in her chair, staring blankly out into the garden, where she and Azriel used to sit. An almost identical state to the one Elain was in after the cauldron.
  * It takes a while to coax some answers out of the three, but they get just enough to piece it together
  * Rhys sits in the living room, after being informed of the situation. He doesn’t acknowledge Amren sitting beside him. All he can feel is pain, as his family fractures from within.
  * His thoughts rush back to the last time his family was damaged so deeply, his heart hurts even more.
  * Over the next few days, the inner circle doesn’t come together. Nesta sits silently next to Elain. Feyre spends her time alternating between keeping Elain company and keeping Mor from drinking and dancing herself into oblivion.
  * Cassian and Rhys find Azriel in a tavern in Illyria, the last place they thought to look. They just take a seat next to him and Azriel sips his drink. And he asks them, “why?”
  * They don’t have an answer.
  * Days turn into weeks, into months and Nesta, Cassian, Feyre, Rhys and Amren all gather around the table to discuss what to do. The table feels empty without the others.
  * Azriel is holed up in Illyria, a place he hates but the only place he felt he could stay. He no longer felt happy in Velaris, a place he once called home. He belonged nowhere. 
  * Mor resided in the winter court, far away from the source of her suffering.
  * Elain is still in her room. Her garden has fallen into disrepair. She is haunted by visions and she is alone
  * The rest of the Inner Circle try desperately to get them to talk but none of them say a word about it.
  * 3 months later, Mor comes back from the winter court. She’s here to see Feyre and collect some more of her belongings before returning to Winter. She finds Elain in the sitting room.
  * They stare at each other before Elain rises.
  * Mor is frozen as Elain walks closer until they are only a meter apart.
  * “I’m sorry,” Mor whispers. “I know you don’t want this.”
  * Elain takes Mor’s hand.
  * “We can figure it out.”
  * Then she walks back to her seat and Mor has no choice but to follow.
  * It takes at least a week for them to properly address the subject.
  * “I love Azriel.”
  * Mor looks up from where she is sitting across from Elain.
  * “I have loved him for a long time. And I don’t think I’ll ever be able to stop loving him.”
  * Mor leans across the table to take Elain’s hand.
  * “I know.”
  * She stood, rounding the table to pull Elain into her arms. She is calmed by her mate’s scent, her mind reaches out without her permission to find Elain’s barriers down for the first time since they mated. Inside Elain’s mind she can see all the fear and rage and despair that Elain is experiencing. And she wants nothing more than to soothe her.
  * “We’ll find a way to break the bond again. We will figure it out.”
  * They remain in each other’s arms for a while longer, expecting no one to interrupt them as they stayed in each other embrace.
  * Except it was the day that Azriel had decided to return. He had had enough of drowning his misery. They all needed to talk, and maybe it might fix his broken heart.
  * As he entered the house, it was quiet. He made his way to the family dining room, desperate for anything to take his mind off this.
  * What he found was the opposite.
  * The love of his life clinging to the female he had spent half his life pining over.
  * He had once hoped that Mor would love him back, but she had constantly chosen others over him.
  * Then he had met Elain. Beautiful, kind Elain. Who spent her time with him, a ruined man, and cherished it. Who rejected her cauldron blessed mating bond. Who he had hoped returned a fraction of his feelings for her.
  * Both Mor and Elain looked up as he stumbled away from the scene. They quickly untangled, rushing after him and calling his name. 
  * But he didn’t stop. He sprinted from the river manor and took off the moment he saw the sky. He heard Elain crying behind him.
  * As he flew, the words of his father and brothers came back to him. That no one would ever love him. 
  * He flew away from Velaris, higher and higher, thinking of all the suffering he had experienced. How it never came to an end.
  * And when the air was so thin, he could hardly breathe, he tucked in his wings and dove to the ground. And this time he didn’t pull up.




	2. Part II

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's fluff time.

He was falling, his wings tucked in tight. The ground was getting closer and closer. He closed his eyes.

And then- “Azriel?”

A gentle voice whispered his name as he plummeted from the sky. His shadows swarmed and he winnowed away just before he reached the ground.

He crashed into the forest floor, as he appeared slightly south of where he was originally falling. He looked around hurriedly, searching for the person who had spoken. There was no one.

“Azriel, please come back to me.”

That soft voice again, echoing through his mind. But he didn’t have a mate. The universe had made that very clear. He sunk to the forest floor, the snow soaking into his trousers and jacket. His shadow circling, cocooning around him.

“Azriel. Can you hear me?”

His shadows flickered as the voice spoke as if someone was using his shadows to talk to him.

“I’m so sorry.”

The voice was filled with shame and despair, a voice he never wanted to hear like that again. _Elain_. It was Elain’s voice. She was using his shadows somehow.

“Elain?” He called into the frozen world around him. “How are you doing this?”

He heard a sigh of relief and a small sob.

“I don’t know. I just reached for you and the shadows came. Please talk to me.”

He looked up to the snowy canopy above. His heart was heavy in his chest and lead ran through his veins.

“I think I just need some time, Ellie. I’ll be okay.”

He didn’t know if there was any truth to those words. Maybe he would be okay if he was given enough time to heal. But right now his future looked bleak.

“Please, just give me five minutes, then you never have to talk to me again.”

He took a second to think. It would be painful to see Elain but she had sounded so broken at that moment, and he never wanted to be the cause of that. He took a breath. And winnowed to the townhouse.

He found her in the garden. She sat alone in their usual spot. Mor had disappeared but her scent lingered, causing his stomach to turn. It was all over Elain, as well. He thought he might be sick.

A soft smile graced her lips, although it looked at odds with her tear-stained face. She rose slowly and made her way to where he stood frozen. Her scent consumed him and he felt his wretched heart flutter as she took the step to bring her right next to him. She bought her hand up to cup his cheek and flinched as he turned his face away. How could she do this to him? It was clear who she had chosen. It was clear that it was not him. How could she tempt him when his heart had not yet accepted that it would never be him?

“Azriel, my Azriel.”

She moved her hand away from his face and placed it on his chest where his heart thundered.

“Elain. Please, don’t do this to me.”

His voice was guttural and he felt tears threatening to spill. He always tried to keep his tears from falling but during these months of agony, he had cried himself an ocean and begun to drown.

“I don’t understand.” Indeed, her soft voice was laced with both pain and confusion. And something else that he could not identify.

“I know you chose her. It’s okay, I understand. I don’t know why I ever thought you would choose a ruined male over your mate. You mate, who is sunlight given form. I understand. But please, do not speak in that voice. Do not touch me like that. For if you do, I will be overcome by my desire for you and I will do things to you that an honourable man would never do. Please, allow me to keep my honour. I will be okay. I just need time.”

Something had sparked in her eyes and she did not move away or withdraw her hand. She stepped closer until her chest touched his and he could feel her breath caress his face.

“What would you do to me, Azriel?”

He swallowed thickly, unable to comprehend the cruelty of the question asked. How could she do this? He stepped away but she followed.

“What would you do?”

“First I would take you in my arms and kiss you softly. Just as I have longed to do since the first time I met you. Then I would kiss you again and again until you are breathless and I would take you away from here and make love to you until you only see stars and feel nothing but pleasure. I would tell you I love you again and again. I would worship you wholly and then I would hold you tightly as we fall asleep under the moonlight.”

He let out a breath as he finished his speech. His heart almost felt lighter at admitting what he wanted, what he felt.

Her eyes shined as she whispered, “you love me?”

At that, he had to turn away. He could feel every cell in his body spark at the wonder and hope in her voice.

“With my whole heart.” He replied.

Gently, she placed her hands on his face and turned it towards her. Her hands were soft against his skin. She leaned up until her lips were a hairbreadth away. Softly, softly for everything she did was as soft as silk, she told him, “I love you too. With my whole heart. From the first hair on my head to the tips of my toes. I love you with my whole soul, my whole being. I have never loved as much as I love you.”

Azriel felt his heart stop as Elain bought her lips to his. Her hands slid from his cheeks to cup the back of his neck and tangle in his hair. He couldn’t breathe as his instincts to over and pulled her closer. Elain’s lips against his felt like nothing he had felt before. Every inch of him dissolved into desire and love and joy. She pulled away, breathless and smiled at him. So many questions ran through his mind, but he could only grasp one word?”

“Why?”

Elain frowned at him.

“Why what?”

“Why me? Why not Mor? Why not anyone else? I don’t understand, Elain. I thought you and Mor had accepted the bond.”

She sighed and rested her head on his chest.

“Oh, Azriel. How could it not be you? You are the only one who has ever really seen me. You are kind and brave and generous. You are beautiful both inside and out. You are the one meant for me. No power could ever change that. Mor and I have accepted the bond, but not in the way that you believe. We have accepted that it is there and that we will work together to break the bond once more. She knows that I love you, and only you. There is no room in my heart for another.”

He leaned down to press a kiss to the crown of her head, but she had looked up and instead caught his lips in hers once more. In that one moment, she chased all his worries away. They would deal with the bond together. They would deal with the consequences together. They would spend the rest of their long long lives together. But for now, he only knew Elain in his arms. She pulled away slightly to whisper something into his ear.

“I recall you telling me what you would do to me if I continued on my path. I’m holding you to that.”

He laughed, his first true laugh in months and bundled her into his arms. She beamed at him, her hair and eyes wild. Her sounds of laughter and joy filled his ears and he realised it was the only thing he ever wanted to hear again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m considering doing a part 3 to showcase the reactions of the IC and the rest of the world, so let me know what you think!

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and Kudos appreciated!
> 
> You can find me on Tumblr @stars-falling


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